


Trigger

by icoulddothisallday



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Bucky Barnes Feels, Captain America: Civil War (Movie) Spoilers, Established Relationship, Falling In Love, First Kiss, M/M, Minor Character Death, Minor Spoilers, Pre-Captain America: The First Avenger, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers, Smutty Letters, This is Not as Happy as it Sounds
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-10
Updated: 2016-05-10
Packaged: 2018-06-07 16:50:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,721
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6814129
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/icoulddothisallday/pseuds/icoulddothisallday
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Every word is snippets of Steve. </p><p>A collection of Stucky drabbles based on Bucky's trigger words from CA:CW</p>
            </blockquote>





	Trigger

**Author's Note:**

> So I saw Civil War. And it hurt. And there are about a hundred different things that need to be written to make it even a little bit alright, but here's mine.  
> Spoilers are very minor.

**Longing**

_ Dear Stevie, _

_ We’re leaving England tomorrow, headed for the front lines. It’s been gray and rainy and my socks are always wet. My CO is a real ass, always coming down on us for something. I’ve found it’s best to stay out of his way. I bunk with this real twit, smells like wet dog and all he talks about is making whopee (as if he’d ever be able to attract a broad). Doesn’t help me none either, trying to keep my mind off you. Miss the way you feel in my hands, baby doll. Miss the way you look riding me on our bed. _

_ Ain’t no privacy for thinking about you neither. We’re packed in like hens all the damn time, even in the showers. If I get to thinking about you in the shower (you remember that time, right before I left, god you never fucked me so good Stevie) I’m sure to offend someone. Can’t get into any fights without my best guy. _

_ Hope you’re keeping safe, Stevie. Hate to think you’re getting beat up or ain’t taking care of yourself. You gotta stay healthy for me, you promised. _

_ Missing you always, _

_ Bucky _

 

**Rusted**

For Bucky’s tenth birthday his ma and da give him this old rusted schwin. He doesn’t know how they managed to afford it and it is probably the best gift that Bucky can remember getting. He and Steve spend two months scrounging parts and begging oil off mechanics. Stevie even gives it a new paint job and it’s probably the best bike Bucky’s ever seen. 

They ride it around the neighborhood. Sometimes Stevie perches on the handlebars, laughing with the sheer recklessness of it, and sometimes he sits between Bucky’s arms on the frame. Mostly the bike is a bike and they wander the city like the gutter rats they are, coming home with dirt on their faces and rips in their jeans.

But sometimes the bike is a horse and they’re cowboys and Bucky’s sisters are the indians. Sometimes the bike is a motorcycle and they’re drivin’ across the dust bowl to California to strike it rich.

Stevie’s just a little too short to ride it on his own and the other boys tease him if they see him trying, but if they find an empty lot somewhere Bucky lets Stevie ride it in circles. He’s the only kid Bucky lets ride it at all.

 

**Seventeen**

 

Steve’s seventeen tonight and Bucky’s promised him the best time. He knows Steve thinks he’s takin’ him dancing and Bucky’ll let him think that as he drags him downtown. The nights all lit up with festivities for the fourth and Bucky and Steve pretend it’s for Stevie, just like they always have. 

Bucky’s been working a construction job down here and he got the other boys to promise to clear out, leave it special for him and Stevie (not that he told him it was for Steve, course.) They get to hunkering building, dark in the night and Steve gives him a look, all affronted like. Bucky rolls his eyes and pulls Stevie up after him, knowing that Steve’ll follow. (Steve’ll follow him everywhere).

Stevie’s half gasping for air by the time they reach the roof, and then he gasps all over again. They’ve got a hell of a view of the city from here, lit up in red, white, and blue in the dark. Bucky can make out cats and their dames dressed up in their finest, looking for a place to dance and he looks back at Steve.

His face is lit up in shades of red, his eyes bluer than blue, lips parted and shiny. Bucky thinks he knows what it’s like to have asthma every damn time he looks at Steve, cause his breath just goes wooshing out of him. Steve’s eyes sparkle with mischeif as the strains of a familiar song float up from some dancehall down on the streets below.

“You gonna stand there all night, Buck, or you gonna dance with me?” Steve cocks his hip in a way he knows Bucky can’t resist and Bucky’s got his paws on him two seconds later, sweeping him into a dance.

Steve throws his head back and laughs and Bucky feels dizzy with love.

 

**Daybreak**

Sometimes Steve likes to try to get down to the water for daybreak. Bucky hates doin’ it, but he loves watching the sun come up in Stevie’s eyes, lighting up like the bluest sky of summer. Steve brings his sketch book and new set of colored pencils. Bucky brings a blanket and a thermos of hot cocoa. They park their behinds on the rocks underneath the bridge, hidden from the coppers who might try to send them home (or worse, depending on how convincing Bucky can be.)

Bucky always tries to let Steve draw for a while, honest. But there’s something about the intensity of Steve’s eyes and his nimble fingers that just gets Bucky’s blood boiling and before he knows it, he’s pounced his boy and is trying to push closer and closer into Steve’s skin so that this perfect fucking moment never has to end.  
  


**Furnace**

The first time they kiss is in the winter of ‘33. Steve’s eleven and Bucky’s just turned twelve and the winter’s cold as hell. Stevie hasn’t left his bed in a week and Buck’s been skipping school to keep him company while Mrs. Rogers’ is at work. (No one complains too much, cause if someone wasn’t there to keep Stevie warm he might not wake up). 

Bucky spent the night last night, pressed up against Steve’s tiny frame as he shuddered and sweated through the fever, hot as a furnace. The worst seems to have passed, though Steve’s not been able to fall back to sleep. They’ve been lying on their sides, talking sometimes and sometimes not. Steve’s eyes are quiet and still and he’s looking at Bucky the way he looks at things he’s drawing. Bucky looks back.

All of a sudden, their lips are touching. Neither of them are able to decide who kissed who, and they’ll squabble about it the rest of their lives, but it’s the most important moment of Bucky’s life. Steve’s lips are dry and chapped from the fever, hesitant and soft, and neither of them really know what they’re doing, and they’re both covered in sweat and haven’t showered in days and it’s goddamn perfect.   
  


**Nine**

Bucky hates school. The teachers all act like he’s too dumb for their time and the thing is Bucky’s pretty sure they’re right. He also knows that it isn’t doin’ anyone any good for him to be sitting in class, despite what his Ma says. He tries to sit and do his aritmetic like he’s told, but instead he starts adding up food costs for him and his sisters and Dad’s been spending that extra quarter on booze again even though the baby needs more milk. 

So his numbers don’t turn out right and he’s assigned another sheet with a look of dissapointment and he’s grumbling to himself on the way home. He’s nine and he knows at least two place where he can make a dime a day plucking strings and sorting fruit and that would be enough for some extra milk and maybe a candy for Rebecca and Lucy -

_ Bang. _

Bucky looks up. There’s two boys from his apartment building at the edge of the alley kicking at a metal trash can lid. Bucky sighs and puts his lunch pail down and jogs over. Last week they’d been kicking some poor puppy to pieces and it wasn’t that Bucky wanted to get involved, but the puppy’d been whimpering and well.

Bucky’s bigger than the two of them and they take off as soon as they see him coming over (he gave one a split lip and the other a shiner last week and their Ma’d dragged them over to get an explanation from Bucky’s ma and the whole story had gotten spilled out and their ma had dragged them home by their ears).

A blond head, small as Becca’s peeks up over the lid and catches Bucky’s eyes. The face goes fierce, blue eyes burning bright. Bucky offers a hand up

The kid reaches out.

 

**Benign**

The word rattles through Bucky’s skull as he supports Stevie’s weight. They’re standing by the open grave and the sky is sunny and it feels like the whole world should be raining.

Six months ago the doctor had said  _ benign _ . Nothing to worry about. Keep working. Keep going. And they had because Sarah Rogers was stronger than anyone Bucky knows (even her son). Stevie is listless against him, face still as stone and Bucky is breaking. 

 

**Homecoming**

Bucky doesn’t recognize him at first, and when he does he’s not sure whether to believe it. He’s hallucinated Steve enough times in the last week that there’s some amount of reasonable doubt. 

But he’s never seen him like - big. Tall, muscled, so strong, and lifting Bucky up like he weighs nothin’ at all, the way Bucky used to do with Stevie, just to piss him off. That’s what makes it real. He doesn’t know if he’d have ever believed if it was Stevie if he wasn’t so different from how Bucky remembers.

But his lip are the same. And the way they kissed Bucky’s is the same. And he tastes the same.

And in the first time in forever, Bucky feels safe.

 

**One**

They’re laying pressed together in Bucky’s tent (his tent mate was still in medical), bare chests pressed together and breathing heavy. Bucky’d needed to know he was still alive. Steve had needed the same thing. They’d crawled together like they’d never been apart and pressed together until Bucky didn’t know which leg was his and which was Stevie’s. 

“You were a real hero at there, pal.” Bucky murmurs against Stevie’s skin.

Steve twitches. “Didn’t care none about any of them.”

Bucky looks up and Steve’s eyes are on his face, dark and concerned and protective.

“Set out to get one man, bring him home no matter the cost,” Stevie says back. Bucky presses closer and lets his tears mix with the sweat on Steve’s skin and Steve’s foreign-but-familiar hands rub his back.

 

**Freight Car**

  
_ Bucky falls.  _


End file.
